A colleague and mentor of mine introduced me to the idea of being right sized in my relationships. Being right sized refers to how much energy you are contributing to the struggles of others. Often times, we want to fix those that we love. However, the ones we love view our urge to fix them as control. This results in defensiveness and confrontation. Being right sized means assessing what those in our lives really need from us and providing only that. When those we love confide in us they are usually not looking for us to provide solutions to their issues. They want us to hear them, support them, and hold space with them. They are seeking understanding and acceptance. And we should be grateful that they are not looking to us to fix them. Being right sized is easier than being a superhero. If you struggle to be right sized in your relationships, it may be worth taking a moment to look at how your needs are met through taking care of others. We often avoid dealing with our own issues, feelings and needs by focusing on others. When we are right sized in our relationships, it can push us to have to deal with our own stuff and that is uncomfortable to say the least. So we find drama to focus on because other people’s issues are far less scary than our own.
I encourage you to spend some time focusing on right sizing yourself in your relationships. Listen to those around you and ask them clearly “What do you need from me in this moment?” and even if you don’t agree with their answer, give them what they ask for. Trust those you love to be able to assess their own needs and find their own solutions and then celebrate with them when they do.
Live Out Loud!!